I don't even know what I'm feeling.  Stressed, sometimes.  Mostly just emotionally blocked, which I don't think is even a feeling.  I'm not sure how to get over this.  I feel like I need some sort of big emotional release, but not sure how to get it.  Is crying enough?  I could listen to my friend's funeral message.

I guess I don't have much to say.  I wanted to journal so I could figure out what I was feeling and then release it, hopefully.  Maybe everything I was feeling last night and at 4am this morning has gone?  I don't think I pushed it back... I wasn't trying to.

Last night's conversations with C were HARD.  Hmm yeah the panic attack and suicidal thoughts were probably an indication of that.  If I had to choose I'd still say I'd rather be able to repress feelings for a while and have a 30 second panic attack than have to deal with them..  the former is much faster.