Sunday and Monday were rough and involved lots of crying, feeling weak, and giving up.  Okay, I did go to church on Sunday even though I didn't want to.  All services.  SS was stressful even though I was sitting with GJ... I had to focus on breathing.  I made myself go a bit early for evening service because my seat-mate was celebrating her 80th bday, but I just went in to deliver her card and give her a hug.

I crashed Sunday afternoon because I was hungry, Sunday evening after I got home from church.  I was texting C and we were talking about going in to work on Mon.  She was being very encouraging and even texted me Mon morning with some encouraging words and Bible verses.  I fell asleep around 11pm Sun night, which was good for me.  But then I woke up at 3am and couldn't go back to sleep and spent two hours praying and reading my Bible and crying and struggling with myself and trying to get back to sleep... finally at 5am, I gave in and canceled my classes... and fell asleep 10 mins later.  Failure.

Today's better.  I got my work done (early, since I worked on it yesterday) and made some soup to share with my church neighbor and now need to clean up.  This anxiety is really getting to me.  I'm tired of living by myself and having to do everything by myself; I wish I could go live with someone else, if only for a few weeks until some of the stress goes away.  I also really need some hugs and physical contact because that would help as well... but good luck with either of those.

My life isn't even that bad, so I need to stop complaining and suck it up and get on with it.   Although the "I'm so sorry" from S yesterday was very nice.  :)  And E was great to help me break out of the mood Mon morning... at one point, when I'd texted her and said "I suck," she wrote back with an "oh, crap" which made me laugh.