Life is so complicated... which is why I'm up posting 7 hours before I have to get up, of course.

A friend texted tonight and told me he and his wife are getting a divorce.  It's a shock, mostly: it is because I wasn't expecting it at all, but at the same time, knowing her... not so much of a shock.

Some background: I've known him his whole life and her for 15 years; I was good friends with her in high school and him in college.  I even thought he and I would get married, and he liked me, but he chose her instead.  So yeah, that brings up huge feelings for me.   When he texted me tonight, he said he'd always considered us to be good friends even though we haven't talked much in the past ten years, and I was starting to wonder where this was going, but never expected divorce.

Darn, I still like him, of course... he was like my best brother ever.  Should he be texting me about this?  Probably not, and we don't need to become emotionally attached over this.   I asked if he has people to talk to there, and he does.  I reminded him that divorce is unbiblical and, as I thought, he's not the one making the choice in this.

I'm just so sad because I've known this whole family for years-- his parents are like my parents, his sister is one of my very good friends-- and I know what divorce does to families and I don't want that for him and his kids.

Glad tomorrow's a short day and I can come home after tutoring.  Now I'm wishing I hadn't moved my counseling session to a few weeks down the road because I could at least talk to my counselor about it.

And WHY does my head keep switching to "he'll be available soon"?  Quit that!  That's not the right way to think in this situation.  Their marriage was very hard for me, and for years after I imagined myself marrying him after she died.  Now this is completely different, and I feel guilty for even having those thoughts.  And being selfish, and this is not what this situation is about!

Gonna lie down, watch some tv, and then try to sleep.  Head hurts from all the crying.